Review: If You Stay by Courtney Cole

Title: If You Stay
Author: Courtney Cole
Series: Beautifully Broken #1
Published: February 5, 2013
Publisher: Lakehouse Press

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole.
Seriously.

He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.

But he’s got his reasons.

His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.

As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade.
So he slipped far, far from it.

Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?
Wrong.

And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.
Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe.

When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.

But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.

He knows that. And he’s working on it.

But is that enough to make her stay?

If You Stay alternates between Mila's and Pax's point of view.  Pax, the bad boy who indulged himself with drugs and women to cover up his issues, and Mila, the sweet, reserved artist who played it safe.  Pax doesn't believe he deserves anything good in life.  His mother passed away, and something about that event has left him torn and broken... yet he can't recollect what it is.  Mila, who also lost her parents, is dealing with this loss in her own ways... yet they are quite different than Pax.

Definitely opposites by every sense of the word, these two seemed completely wrong for each other from the start.  Literally, from the start.  Mila meets Pax for the first time when he's passed out in his car, covered in vomit, not responding.  Pax instantly is drawn to her.  She makes him want to be a better person.  He doesn't know why, but he can't deny it.  And she can't either.  Their chemistry is strong, unable to be ignored.

Since I'm not a huge fan of sappy romance novels, I wasn't too sure if I would enjoy this one or not.  After debating it for a while, I decided to give it a go.  It turned out to be a much more angst-ridden romance with a lot of issues... which actually made it a lot more enjoyable to me.  Though parts were a bit slow at times, it would pick right back up a few pages later.  I ended up really enjoying the story, and was quite satisfied at the end. 

Having the story conveyed through Pax's point of view really helped me feel for him.  I think he would have been hated if this story was told through Mila only.  It was easy to trust him, believe him when he said that he really did want to better himself and his life.  And Mila earned my respect completely, especially when she didn't let him walk all over her.  She made him prove himself, especially when he messed up.  And he did mess up... he messed up BIG time! 

Fans of romance will really enjoy this story.  Though it was heartbreaking and raw at times, it also felt sweet and hopeful.  It definitely brought out a wide range of emotions in me.  I'm really happy I decided to give it a chance.

Courtney Cole is a novelist who would eat mythology for breakfast if she could.

She has a degree in Business, but has since discovered that corporate America is not nearly as fun to live in as fictional worlds.

Every Last Kiss is her debut novel and she followed it with the rest of The Bloodstone Saga (Every Last Kiss, Fated, With My Last Breath and My Tattered Bonds).

Courtney lives in quiet suburbia, close to Lake Michigan, with her real-life Prince Charming, her ornery kids (there is a small chance that they get their orneriness from their mother) and a small domestic zoo.

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads 

What I can see so far is that life consists of good and evil, black and white.  And everything in between is a struggle for dominating the other.  Life is a struggle.

I'm probably in way over my head, but for the moment, I don't care.

I roll my eyes.  "Are you trying to find some sort of reason that I've become such an asshole?  The reason is... I'm an asshole.  There are some things in life that can't be explained.  Period.  Assholes are assholes.  Rainbows are pretty.  Kittens are cute.  Chick flicks are sad.  It's the way of things, no explanations."

"A person can be flawed, but still be a good person, or have a good heart, at least."